were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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