oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
