You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
