hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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