Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
