I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
