We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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