If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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