Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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