I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
