Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
