it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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