Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
