im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
