How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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