He uses pillows to masturbate.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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