shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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