the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
