We won't sleep together?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
