Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm both gender and math confused
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
