I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A+ Viking dick
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
tell me about the fingering
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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