just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
