I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
