Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
