you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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