"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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