I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
