I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
