Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
