I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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