Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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