this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
