I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The Olympian is in my bed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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