How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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