i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
