Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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