I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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