Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
