So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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