Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
