apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
