so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
