12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
