Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
