i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
