let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
