How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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