Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
