He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
