My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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