As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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