My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
