There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bet he comes in French.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
