You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
