i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
