I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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