Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
