Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
