Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
