This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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