textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
