For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
