I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
